This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
im six kinds of drunk right now
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
