i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
