Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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