I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
