dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
