Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
