I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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