i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
