Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
