i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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