I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
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