whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
