i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
