Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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