Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I should be sponsored by Trojan
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
