I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
