but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
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