and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Randomize
