How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Randomize
