there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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