we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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