I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
