Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
