How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
