A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
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