I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
