The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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