Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
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