Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
