Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
We don't watch enough power rangers
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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