He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
