she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
