someone get that fucking seahorse.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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