Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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