Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
4 words: hood of his car
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
me + whiskey = a bad person
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
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