I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Just pee around me
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
