she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
