we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
