probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
