this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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