I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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