I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Randomize
