woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
