Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Randomize
