she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Randomize
