I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Randomize
