It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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