I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
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