he looks like a really good dad on facebook
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
