My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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