Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
