I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
