I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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