Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
